Crying in Public

As ever, this week’s episode is a riff off of this week’s essay. I don’t always read the essay to get things cooking, but I did this week because it felt like a good jumping off point to talk about the broader topic of having a little compassion for ourselves right now, and for each other. For the first time, I also read a comment someone left underneath the essay. If you listen, I think you’ll understand why. There’s really no point in creating anything if there isn’t anyone there to see it or hear it, or receive it and respond.

Or maybe that isn’t exactly right. Maybe if any one of us who writes or paints or makes music, suddenly found ourselves starring in a real-life version of one of those dystopian tv shows or films that are so popular, we’d still make our art. I know if I thought I were the last person on earth (or in some space station where everyone else had perished), I’d find a way to write, but I can’t think of anything lonelier than writing into a vast universe with no hope of a response, can you?

I don’t think any of us would want to be the last person on earth or floating through space, and when you watch those shows or films, the one thing the person is always motivated to do is find out if anyone is “out there.” As much as people seem to scream at each other on the internet, we do long for connection. We do want to be understood.

It hurts to be human right now, or it does if you’re paying attention to what’s happening in the world, and letting yourself feel the emotions anyone would feel in the face of so much heartache and violence. It’s especially painful when you acknowledge that so much of this is unnecessary. We don’t have to be living this way. Of course there’s the inherent grief that’s built into the mix of loving people because we don’t last forever. There’s the grief of losing relationships for other reasons, too.

I am talking about casual, intentional cruelty, though. Here in the states we’re seeing so much of that, and for people who think and feel the way I do, it is unfathomable that anyone would have voted for this. Twice. There are times I have to get away from the screens and go outside and breathe, sit alone by the ocean, or walk my dog until we’re both ready to curl up under a blanket, because it is a constant onslaught, and it makes my head spin sometimes. It is okay not to be okay. Being apathetic is the thing that is worrisome.

There are times I have to take a break so I can remind myself the world is beautiful. I