The Healing Properties of Exposing Cult Secrets with Esther Friedman

Secrets are toxic and damaging. If you’ve been in a cult you know this and you may also know how secrets can be used to control us when we’re in a high demand situation.

When today’s guest Esther Friedman left the cult she belonged to she took a very firm stance against secrets and I loved talking to her about this during our interview. I related to so much of what she had to say and since we spoke I’ve been reflecting on the destructive power of secrets.

In the introduction I talk about this conversation with Esther has had me reflecting on secrets and how cults use them. I was thinking about the concentric circles of secrets in the cult I belonged to. As a tactic for control and manipulation the cult leader I followed would keep secrets from the group and/or would let certain people know certain secrets and others in the group would be aware of this and know that they weren’t high enough in the group hierarchy to know those secrets.

In the sociological and psychological study of cults this is often called ‘information control’. Robert J. Lifton calls it ‘millieu control’. Steven Hassan talks about how cults teach different levels of information to different members of a group. Margaret Singer talks about how controlling information and keeping members unable to fully evaluate what is happening is central to coercive persuasion.

So, secrets are a valuable tool to the cult leader. I experienced that and so did Esther. If you’ve been in a cult I think you’ll enjoy hearing about how Esther used creative expression to work through her feelings and process her anger after leaving ‘The School’.

I also reflect on the unexpected pleasure this podcast has brought me because it allows me to connect with other cult survivors. Interviewing my guests and talking about our shared experiences is healing something in me, and that’s not something I’d planned for with this show, but it’s a very welcome part of my experience.

Esther Friedman is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC), expressive art therapist, songwriter, recording artist, performer, and author of The Gentle Souls Revolution. This book depicts her 5-year misadventure in a “secret mystery school” that taught her how cults exploit human nature. She embraced her anger, formed a personal policy of No More Secrets, posted a blog, and started protecting her time and energy fiercely.

A funny thing happened: as she exposed cult secrets and reclaimed her voice, her heart calmed and her mind cleared. She