265 - The Profile as a Filter: Disclosing Disability to Attract the Right People

When to Disclose

There's no single right answer, so do what feels comfortable. Kathy's disability is visible, so she recommends naming it in the profile. That filters out people who wouldn't be interested and saves emotional energy. With a less apparent disability, waiting may make more sense. She describes three disclosure points:

The profile: the most direct filter.

Early messaging: useful before meeting

In person: easier when the disability isn't obvious.

I once met a coffee date who had a disability but never mentioned it, despite my openness. That didn't sit well with me. You can also disclose indirectly through photos or interests. One woman she interviewed for my upcoming book mentioned disability advocacy in her profile. Her future husband googled her and figured it out.

How to Write It

Lead with who you are. Disability is part of your story, not the headline.

Use humor if it's authentic to you.

Speak confidently, since your attitude shows others how to treat you.

Mention practical needs, e.g., using a wheelchair means seeking accessible date spots.

Never apologize, and drop the "but." Say "I have cerebral palsy and I'm friendly," not "but I'm friendly."