Why You’re So Angry - And Why It’s Not About Them

<p>Why am I so angry over things that do not deserve it, and why do I hate myself</p><p>afterward? The anger is real. It is just aimed at the wrong person.</p><p>This is a session with a client who stopped himself in the middle of an argument</p><p>with his wife and said, I have so much more anger right now than is warranted for</p><p>this conversation, and I don&#39;t totaly understand why. Underneath it was not the</p><p>money he was arguing about. It was displaced anger from a childhood in which</p><p>his deeper needs and wants were never considered, landing on the person</p><p>standing closest. We cover the Worst Day Cycle™ of trauma, fear, shame and</p><p>denial, the Authentic Self Cycle™ of truth, responsibility, healing and forgiveness,</p><p>and the six steps of the Emotional Authenticity Method™ you can use the next</p><p>time your anger is bigger than the moment in front of you.</p><p>Displaced anger is a form of denial and self-deception. It is when we transfer</p><p>anger away from the person we would like to express it toward and onto</p><p>somebody who is just like them, because the original person was too big to be</p><p>angry at and our life depended on them.</p><p>Anger is almost always either displaced onto a stand-in or turned back on</p><p>ourselves. To find out which, write down anything you judge, blame, hate or</p><p>criticize, then turn every you into I. What you say about them is what you are</p><p>doing to yourself, directly or metaphoricaly.</p><p>The people you keep getting angry at are satelites, interchangeable versions of</p><p>a parent you are stil angry at. Removing one satelite never ends the pattern,</p><p>because the one at the center has not been dealt with. That is why no single</p><p>relationship ever looks like the problem.</p><p>A 2020 study of 326 trauma-exposed adults in the journal Psychological Trauma</p><p>found that experiential avoidance fuly mediates the relationship between shame</p><p>and post-traumatic stress symptoms. It is not the shame that keeps a person</p><p>stuck. It is the refusal to feel it, which is exactly what displacement is for.</p><p>Kenny Weiss is a relationship, communication and childhood trauma recovery</p><p>specialist and an ICF Certified Professional Life Coach. He created the Worst</p><p>Day Cycle™, the Authentic Self Cycle™ and the Emotional Authenticity</p><p>Method™, and wrote Your Journey to Success and Your Journey to Being</p><p>Yourself.</p><p>TOPICS COVERED: why am I so angr