229: How Can I Help My ADHD Child When I Have ADHD Too?

Your child doesn't need a perfectly regulated parent. They need a parent who knows how to reconnect after things go wrong. For parents who begin recognizing their own ADHD while trying to support a child with ADHD, that shift can take a tremendous amount of pressure off parenting.

In this episode of The Soaring Child podcast, Dana Kay talks with ADHD coach, I Have ADHD Podcast host, FOCUSED founder, and author Kristen Carder about why a child's ADHD diagnosis so often becomes a mirror for a parent. Kristen explains how executive functioning challenges, emotional dysregulation, shame, and the feeling of always being "in trouble" can show up in parenthood, especially when a parent is trying to teach skills she may struggle with herself. They also walk through what healthy repair can look like after yelling, losing patience, or handling a moment in a way you wish you had not. Kristen shares a simple process for naming what happened, apologizing, taking accountability, asking what your child needs, and reconnecting without expecting immediate forgiveness or closeness. Listeners will hear practical ways to interrupt escalation in the moment, regulate themselves before trying to regulate their child, adjust unrealistic expectations, and build more support around their own ADHD. Kristen also shares why learning about adult ADHD can replace harsh self-judgment with clearer next steps, plus one small practice parents can begin today: apologizing and taking accountability for something every day.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW

Kristen Carder's Website - https://www.ihaveadhd.com/

Kristen Carder's FOCUSED Program - https://www.ihaveadhd.com/focused

Kristen Carder on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/i.have.adhd.podcast/

You're Not in Trouble by Kristen Carder - https://www.ihaveadhd.com/book

I Have ADHD Podcast - https://open.spotify.com/show/6t1VWB5kU1QgCPCLypBuMt

KEY TAKEAWAYS

[04:34] Many adults first recognize their own ADHD while completing forms, noticing symptoms, and learning about ADHD after their child is diagnosed.

[06:57] When a mother with ADHD is expected to organize, remember, regulate, and teach the same executive functioning skills she struggles with, shame, self-judgment, and a sense of failure can build quickly.

[09:53] Kristen describes the recurring feeling of being one mistake away from upsetting someone and explains why the message "you're not in trouble" can help adults move from shame toward accountability and repair.