Stop Telling Your People to Get Over It, with Tara Rolstad

Most managers want to support someone on their team who's struggling. Very few were ever shown how. So when it happens, a lot of leaders fall back on what they know, and too often that's some version of "get over it."

Tara Rolstad came to this work as a family member. She teaches leaders what people need from them when work and life get heavy, and her answer is simpler than most managers expect: "We don't have to fix anything, we just have to be present."

Brandon and Tara get into why "what happened?" lands so differently than "what's wrong with you?" They talk through what to say when someone tells you they're fine and clearly isn't, and the small, passing comment a leader can make that tells a whole team it's okay to be real. Brandon also shares what it means to have a manager who listened during a hard stretch, and the loyalty that came from it.

This episode includes a discussion of suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US.

About our guest

Tara Rolstad, MBA, is a professional speaker, author, and mental health advocate who helps organizations open up honest conversations about mental health at work. Her path into this work started at home, as a foster parent to her nieces and later as a parent supporting one of her own kids through serious mental health struggles. She has been a consultant and program partner with NAMI organizations in Oregon and Texas and founded the Parenting & Mental Health conference. Her latest book, What to Do Right Now When Your Child Is Suicidal, is a practical guide for parents and caregivers. Her forthcoming book for managers is Get Real: Mental Health in the Workplace. She has also performed stand-up comedy about mental health, and that humor shows up in how she teaches.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Intro 02:00 Why managers who want to help still default to "get over it" 05:10 How Tara first met mental illness 08:55 What a family member knows that an expert doesn't 12:00 What Tara learned the hard way as a parent and foster parent 16:30 How to make it safe for people to be real at work 19:40 Why "what happened?" works better than "what's wrong with you?" 21:25 Why we try to fix instead of listen 23:00 What a manager who has your back actually does 28:30 A shortcut for leaders who want to signal it's safe 30:00 Why we talk about our brains differently than strep throat 32:40 How a small assist gets someone through the moment 34:40 Where humor helps and